Far Above Cayuga’s Waters – With it’s waves of blue…

Stands our noble Alma Mater – Glorious to View! 

If you know anything about Cornell, the title here is incredibly cheesy.  My old Alma Mater is located in Ihaca, NY.  Unless you’re from upstate NY, you really should have no reason to know where
Ithaca is.  It’s a tiny town of 30,000+ people.  The school almost doubles the town’s population when classes are in session.  This means Ithaca is probably the most happenin’ place in the entire continental US with facts like having the most restaurants and lesbians per capita, and the best thai food in the state of NY.   Yep, these things make Ithaca great, but this isn’t about Ithaca, the small liberal town in the hills of TompkinsCounty.  It’s about the glorious institution of higher learning that is Cornell University.

Currently,I am sitting on a bus heading towards that quiet little town.  I was there earlier this month, but I just can’t keep myself away from the hills and blistering cold.  Winter has come to the region in full force.  I’ve made this trip countless times, but I will never forget the first time I hopped on the Ithaca Bus.  It was the summer of 2002 and I was heading to Ithaca for a Summer Program   I sat next to this girl named Debbie.  Turns out Debbie had never been away from her family, so she was a complete mess, and it fell unto my shoulders to console her… the whole fucking way.  She cried for about three hours (it’s a four hour ride) – I was amazed her body had enough water to keep those tears flowing freely.  Once she stopped she decided to eye rape this kid sitting three rows behind us.  He was probably unaware that he was being undressed by the girl a few rows up who had smeared mascara everywhere. 

We arrived on-campus and my first thoughts were. “Why don’t any of the buildings look the same?”  At this point I was thinking a prestigious university should have oodles of ancient and beautiful building. Sadly, Cornell was founded in 1865 – so there are less of those than I wanted.  The architecture was everywhere.  Every decade since the school’s inception had to be represented by a building.  The Arts Quad was quite beautiful, but the rest of the place looked a little off with its looney buildings.  I was disappointed in that aspect.  I later learned to love the oddness of the buildings and the randomness of the architecture – though you can never forgive the ugliness of Uris Hall (if you don’t know what this looks like – I suggest you google it.)…  

Moving on, the campus was green and pretty with men riding around in circles cutting the grass.  These men were determined to make this grass look beautiful – we later found out why.  It was my observation (and other people independently of me) that the school only really got pretty for a grand total of four occasions.  When classes started and people’s parents were around was the first one.  The second occasion was when classes ended and people’s parents came to pick them up.  Cornell looked especially amazing during the other two important times of the year. Cornell Days is the first one – when high school kids are tricked into thinking the weather is always beautiful.  The other is Commencement where parents are tricked into thinking their kids were always happy here – the reason we were so happy was because we were usually drunk – otherwise it was pretty bleak. 

The reason I’ve returned so often is because I’ve had some of the most amazing memories created there.  The late nights cramming for an exam while watching music videos in Court Hall stand out in my mind as one of the best/worst moments of my life.  Commencement was an amazing rush that I will most likely never experience again in the academic sense – I’ll assume my wedding or some other rite of passage will hold a similar and yet different feeling.  Joining a fraternity was both upsetting and nice.  There are paradoxes galore.   So, to you Cornell, I tip my hat.  I remember being in high school and thinking I could apply to Cornell or Princeton… both were as expensive as the other and the applications were long, but I didn’t think I could afford to apply to both.  I actually chose Cornell because I didn’t think I had a shot at the Ivy League.  

I should have done more research because it turns out they were both Ivies – the education system had at that point failed me. The guidance counselor then told me it was a stretch and that I wouldn’t make it.  I showed the bitch. If you’re thinking Cornell might be the place for you – it probably is.  If you’re think
Princeton’s the place for you, it’s not – because with that place you either know you belong or you don’t belong at all.    I’m glad about my Cornell decision – it’s made me the loud-mouth intellectual drunk I am today – and can the world ever have too many of those? No. 

JJRC 

Inspiration

What is the idea of Inspiration?  Perhaps it’s something simple, like the eyes of a child to a parent.  Maybe its more complicated – like pondering the meaning of life in a crazed world.  Maybe it’s something spiritual – through the greater glory of God…  Maybe it’s none of these things. 

I can honestly say this blog requires quite the bit of inspiration.  I would write in this thing more often and for longer if I had such a sensation of inspiration, but I am the possessor of two things that on contact murder the inspiration of the human soul.  Laziness and poor memory are these two things.  I’m sure if you had one, but not the other – things would get done much faster and with the greatest deal of inspiration.  It turns out I’m not that good.  Also, shiny things are far to interesting to not look at.

It’s been on many occasions that I’ve sat down at my desk at work and thought – “hey, I should write about that because I enjoy the topic.”  I’ll even flesh out some ideas and how it should flow.  It’s sheer genius!  “I’m amazing,” I think to my lonesome.  Next thing I know, Tim leans over the cubicle.  “Hey JJ, you’re drooling all over those documents and the keyboard.”

“FUCK!”  The genius is out of my mind and I have to close my mouth and start recovering my paperwork from my saliva.   Don’t act like it’s never happened to you.   But like the saliva terminated with a quick wipe by a deft sleeve, my idea and genius are now a recent memory.  I could have (instead of sitting there looking stupid) taken some notes, but I’m lazy.   If I didn’t have such terrible memory due to my binge drinking, I’d remember enough to make the entry a reality.

Sadly, I retreat to my home and sit at the computer with this site opened.  “I remember it had something to do with children…. and the Crusades.”  Alas, the idea is gone, and no one will ever read the funny things I had conjured up about the situation.  Just in case anyone was curious about the Children’s Crusade, it was the most ridiculous thing.  The pope literally told people to give up their kids to the Lord.  Since it was not 2007, people still had faith and said, “OMG!!! My little loser kid can totally be a martyr in the Holy Lands.”  The Pope in turn said, “No, no no.  No martyrs here.  God loves all the little children because of their innocence… nothing bad will happen to them.  Off you go kids.”

The children went off and reached the Mediterrainian Sea…. This is what I think happened:

Boy 1: Oh man, this looks like it’s gonna be rough… how do we get across?

Boy 2: Umm boats?

Chaperon: The pope said you can just walk across – Jesus loves all of you.

Hoard of Children: YAY!! ::Run into the sea and start drowning::

Chaperon: oh man… this looks bad…. I’ll just turn around and start a new life elsewhere and everyone will think I’m a martyr too!

In this situation I believe everyone won – especially the people occupying Jerusalem because even if the kids made it to the Holy Land – they would have surely been defeated.  Chances are they weren’t armed with anything because God’s love was all the needed…. to get to the Holy Land… and win… against armies… of full grown men… who were trained in battle…

Would you believe I didn’t mean to write anything about the Children’s Crusade when  sat at my desk tonight?  Now, how’s that for inspiration!?

 JJRC

Screaming Cleveland Rocks!

I dunno about Cleveland, but Columbus, Ohio is the only Ohio city I’ve ever been in.  This is currently my second time being in Columbus.  The first time I was in Columbus was four years and a month to the date.  It was December 2001.  The world was much different then.  I was 17 and a senior in high school looking at colleges.  My eyes were still wide with hope and promise.  Flash forward those 4 years and my eyes are droopy (and possibly crusty) with sleep.  I was looking at Kenyon College in Gambier, and I had no interest in going there.  I decided I needed to travel there though.  If a college is willing for fly you out anywhere you don’t say no.  It was great – I fell in love, but decided not to go because the Ivy League was calling my name.  I’m sure I made the right choice (and even if I didn’t I need to tell myself that).

Now, I’m a (psuedo-)coporate stiff and that light in my eyes is probably down to the glow of embers.  AH, to be young, stupid and naive!  I’m currently in the airport contemplating what I’ve learned here in Ohio.  I was told to make a laundry list of what I’ve learned while in Columbus.  Here it is;

1 – From my visit to Kenyon – I learned nothing but that Kenyon was WORLDS better than Oberlin (boo).  They had the gonads to send me a letter stating the following.  “Hey JJ.  You’re not white so fuck that old application we sent you and fill out this new application for ’students of color’ (insert picture of happy minorities with no white people around at some Oberlin cafeteria).  You won’t have to pay those pesky fees (because you can’t afford them) and we’ll give your application the attention it deserves (because otherwise the Hispanic tonality of your name would make your application ‘get lost’ in transit).  Hope to see you here next fall (because we need the color on our pasty white campus).”  I’m sure Kenyon had the same objective, but it was classier.

2 – People climb into cars head first sometimes.  This was news to me.  I climbed into the passenger seat of our “rental car, and my co-worker’s (the driver’s) head came barrelling towards me.  It startled me a little – so I assumed he fell or something, but then he did it continuously whenever we got into the car.  I figured ‘C’est la vie’

3 – People who Work at our Distribution Center are pretty cool – Amazingly enough – everyone from the Distribution Center was SUPER nice.  A sharp contrast from the bitter bitchiness exuding from everyone in our corporate offices.  If only those people had gotten the chance to get a degree and move to NYC to work with me – this company would be more fun and MUCH less pompous.

4 – The Airport is all interesting – I’ve been told about 12 times that the country’s damn terrorist safety color is now orange (it’s been orange for months).  I wonder if Orange will ever become the new yellow, since we as Americans should probably no longer let our guard down…. I think we need a change from the color orange – no one looks good in orange, not even America.

5 – Hotel Rooms are awesome – because they clean themselves and they offer free mints.  Though the Best Western in Columbus has a stuffed cat in its lobby – and I would have petted it because I thought it was real until I noticed it wasn’t blinking… and there was a stuffed kitten next to it with a bonette on it’s head (also, not moving or blinking).

So, that’s what I’ve been up to since the last time I’ve doodled anything.  So, if you ever get the chance, avoid Columbus for business trips, but definitely go for college visits!  There’s a man in a beret sitting in front of me – I need to go back to NYC where people don’t dress like freaks.

 JJRC