Where are you going?

Cabbies are probably some of the most interesting people on earth.  They meet hundreds of people throughout their careers, and drive countless miles in what is ultimately on massive circle from their house to their house… or garage  I guess.  What makes them so interesting is their desire to speak (quite candidly) on any subject.  Let me recount 3 instances of Cabbie Conversation that will probably never leave my brain - especially now that I’m writing them for the world (or the average 15 people that view this thing - yes - I know you exist) to read.

Cabbie 1: No, I don’t think you need to know about that…

This one cabbie was pretty interesting - simply because I flagged him down twice in one day.  If you live in New York, you know the possibilities of that occurring are basically impossible - except that it happened to me… so I guess it’s possible.  I digress.  This guy picked up by my high school.  I had extra change and needed to get home fast… but I had to go back down for whatever reason.  It appears in the 30 minutes I was at home - he hadn’t gone far and was leaving the area when I stopped him - this made him think we were family.

Cabbie1:  So, you like school?

Me: Umm - Yeah - it’s ok - I guess.

Cabbie 1: You go to college soon, no?

Me: Most likely.  I’ll applying probably next year.

Cabbie 1: You like to fuck?

Me: Excuse me? (I must have heard wrong.  So he repeated himself - loudly)

Cabbie 1: You like to fuck?

Me: (I’m thinking - well there’s obvious answer - and the answer that will make this conversation stop)  No, I don’t

Cabbie 1: Good, good- you just kiss them - keeps you clean - no disease.

Me: (I noticed I was a block away from the school - and we were at a red light) This is fine - here’s money - no change please.

Cabbie 1: But…

Me: Bye!

Yep… that was the end of that one.  Somehow being picked up twice in one day makes this man think he can ask me things my friends wouldn’t even consider talking about.  I guess the Catholic school uniform gave it away - I’m an insatiable sex-machine…. I dunno who asks those kinds of questions, but it was pretty awkward (he didn’t seem to mind).

Cabbie 2: I think I’m full for now - thanks.

This guy was incredibly frazzled when he picked me up.  I thought he might be a little looney - of course I was in a hurry so I just climbed aboard.  He was on his phone - talking to his wife.  They were arguing about some game that he played too much of - I could tell this was going to be a blast.

Cabbie 2: No woman, it helps me relax…  I said that already… I have to go… there’s someone with me.  - Where you going?

Me: I’m going to xyz.

Cabbie 2: Ok, I can take you (He speeds off unaware that he has to obey laws.)  My wife hates my fucking Xbox.  It helps me relax you know?  Says we don’t have enough personal time - me and her … bitch thinks I can spend all my time with her? Nah, man.

Me:… that sucks… ? (I’m thinking personal time means sex - and we all know how I feel about discussing that)

Cabbie 2:  You get me!  Would you like a chip?  (At this point he turns around completely - mind you he’s still driving).

Me:  Uh - no - I’m good… (I’m sure my eyes were popping out of my head).

Cabbie 2: Ok… my wife sucks.

This went on for quite a bit, and I was pretty happy when that ended - hopefully listening to him helped him sort out his problems… he seemed to have many.

Cabbie 3: The village is the new Sodom.

I had just finished coming back from Ithaca.  I was tired and just wanted to climb into a cab and go home.  I flagged one down.

Cabbie 3: Where are you going?

Me: My address here

Cabbie 3: OH WOW! I just dropped some lady in the area - I can give her her bag back.  This is great! 

Me:  yay… (I just wanted to go home and not be involved. but it was too late for that - my address alone had involved me.)

Cabbie:You must be a good person to succeed in life - you can’t keep people’s things. 

Me: ok, Do you know where this woman lives? Did you check the bag for an address?

Cabbie 3: I don’t like looking through people things! (He seemed mad that I asked) I will leave it infront of her house or with a doorman - she will get it.  So are you Mexican or Ecuador?

Me: Um… I’m Peruvian… so neither I guess (really I’m not. my parents are - but I didn’t want to explain that to him.)

Cabbie 3: Sometimes Ecuadors look like Mexicans… You know?

Me: Not really, but good to know.

(After some more babble - we managed to climb into some conversation about morality and living well because of that stupid purse- really he was just babbling and I nodded - until he dropped this gem).

Cabbie 3: I hate the village!

Me: Why? (I figured this had to be good)

Cabbie 3: You see men and men kissing.  Women and Women kissing.  They kiss infront of cops!  The cop cannot arrest them!  You cannot have a man kiss a man in front of cop - this country is all fucked up.  Crazy… a man kissing a man!

Me: Umm… yeah that’s terrible…. (I was hoping this wouldn’t turn into another Cabbie 1 situation)

Cabbie 3: They poke God in the eye!

He babbled on and on about this.  Eventually we made it to this old lady’s house and she apparently lived on my street.  He doodled a note and ran out of the car (blocking traffic) and then he came back. “I stop meter here, but drive you home - good?”  “Yes, that would be great”

Though he was a little looney and got easily infuriated, he was an ok guy who bothered to return purses.  I figured he wasn’t too bad - just a little over-zealous in his views.  The one thing that unites all these cabbies - is that they were not dangerous.  As foward, whiney or righteous they were - I never really felt for my life (except for when that one dude turned all the way around).  Really the lesson here is ALWAYS talk to cabbies - because you never know when they’ll scare/entertain/bother/please you.

 JJRC