Smarter than a fifth grader?

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?  Well, let’s see.  Until that becomes common practice for those children to graduate high school and college, I would say,”Yes, I am smarter than a fifth grader?”  Would I go on this ridiculous television show to prove it?  No, absolutely not!  Why?  because, I would lose!  No one is meant to win unless it’s one of those crazy children or Jeff Foxworthy armed with his cue cards.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stupid, and I’m well aware that going to college is not a good indicator of who’s smart and who is not.  These days even stupid people go to college…  even good schools.  I’ve met some of the stupidest people while in college, but their stupidity may have been enhanced by the college setting.  It was more of the thinking – how did you get here?  In the real world, that person was probably smarter than the average bear. 

Back to the show, these children are not normal.  I sawan interview on youtube (or something) with the little chubby black haired boy.  The interview was short and simple.  What’s your favorite subject? I like astronomy.  Have you ever cheated in school? No.  Do you think you’re smarter than adults? (this is basically what he said) Umm, well I would say most of them, but not all of them.  In 20 years when he sees that, I hope it’s incredibly embarrassing.  The nerve of that kid is amazing.  This makes me think these kids need a reality check (or at least that one kid).  If this troll is so smart, then shouldn’t he not be in the fifth grade?  If he’s smarter than most adults – then he should be better off than most adults – he’s not.

Then there’s Jeff Foxworthy… did he even make it to Fifth grade?  (That comment was mean, but it made me laugh so it’s staying)  He walks around the stage as if he wrote the questions and answers himself.  He teases the contestants for needing the help of an abnormal genius child standing next to  them.  He’ll make says things like – “Well what’s your answer?  You know one thing – all your 5 grade classmates – have got it right.  You want to use your saves?”  That’s just unnecessary and makes it very obvious that he would not do well in this game.  Sometimes those damn kids heckle the adults. They chime in with. “oh come on, this is pretty easy.  Even I got this one.”  It makes my blood bubble just a bit.

Children of the fifth grade level do not know what REM stands for.  They shouldn’t at least.  Once they asked the name of the lowest cloud in the stratosphere…. who knows that?  It then becomes apparent that the fifth grade questions are basically impossible.  So what do the adults do?  They waste saves on the ”easier” 1st grade questions.  WHY?!  Just go for the hard ones, and if you know them, you’re better for it.  Plus, it doesn’t make sense to tackle the “harder” questions without the safety net.  The 1st grade questions are not usually hard, but they are tricky.   They probably make the adult fart around with stupid questions so no one becomes $1,000,000.00 richer.  I wrote the number out for emphasis. 

The problems I have with this show are as follows:

1 – Things they teach  you in the fifth grade (if this is what they teach you in fifth grade) are pointless pieces of trivis.  Most adults would not remember who the first president to get impeached was.  Most fifth graders wouldn’t remember that either for this matter.  Who are these kids?  It’s not normal.

2- You would never pit fifth graders like this against each other.  Now, these children have a skewed perception of adults and for the rest of their lives will have a mentality that they are better!  I’d like to see those kids flip some burgers and still feel superior.  I’m sure they can’t all be successful.

3- Jeff Foxworthy is not the best host for this.  They should have gotten Stephen Hawking.  Now that man can berate me all he wants… why? because he’s a fucking genius.

Though – with all that said – I probably won’t stop watching the show whenever possible… unless its already been cancelled.  I should really keep up with rapid changing TV schedules.

 JJRC

True Life – I watch too much MTV

MTV has some pretty entertaining shows.  My favorite involve people I never really thought existed.  You’d be surprised how many people are willing to exploit their kids to the American Media.  Think about it.   My Super Sweet Sixteen is a complete parade of 100% American Bitches.  Rich parents apparently raise the most asshole children, and the American Youth Culture eats it up.  Hell, even I enjoy watching catty 15 year old girls bitch at each other.  It tells me what kinds of things not to do if I’m ever lucky enough to have a girl (and am extravagantly wealthy – which I will be ). 

Then there’s True Life.  It’s one of MTV’s more interesting and thought provoking shows.  I usually like watching this and seeing a person deal with problems that don’t seem obvious in today’s ADD TV culture – where things are loud and flashy.  These are small documentaries about people with  singular uniting trait.  There was “I’m OCD.” “I lead a double life,” “I have an eating disorder,” and “I want a better body.”  It’s eye-opening.  Not because it’s grade A documentary footage (because it’s not), but because it’s exposing masses of people to a problem.  Not everyone can be denied a BMW on their 16th Birthday.  This exposes the minorities in American Society.

Tonight’s installment of True Life was “I’m a genius.”  I had to see this one.  By the way, I’m not too keen on if tonight was it’s first airing (since MTV airs everything about 20 times in a week before never showing it again), but it had to be recent.  There was some teenage kid who kept referring to himself as a genius.  This kid bugged me.  He didn’t really have a problem.  He wanted to get into college.  He had skipped a grade and had straight A’s.  He applied early decision to Stanford and got rejected completely (no deferment).  He was crushed! 

The other people on the show were a chess grand champion who wanted to be #1 in the world, and some kid who played Carnegie Hall and got accepted to Harvard’s Medical College Intern Program (the youngest ever).  Then there was this other kid.  He was probably the one kid everyone could relate to, but I had issues with him.  He applied to Stanford, got rejected and then had to scramble to get into a new college.  He applies to California Polytechnic State University, Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Columbia. 

Now, you didn’t get into Stanford – what do you do? AH YES! You apply to only more prestigious schools and one state school – this seems like a very sound plan.  His guidance counselor was very supportive about his decisions, but I feel direction was severely lacking.  Maybe he could apply to good schools that have an acceptance rate higher than 19%?  No, that makes some sense.

This kid was pretty edgy about not getting into Stanford.  He said something to the affect of, “I guess being a genius isn’t good enough for them.”  No you ass, that’s not the point.  Schools don’t want brilliance that’s untested.  You have to do something with yourself.  You have to be more than just a genius.  You have to prove that that genius is worth the four year investment. 

Let’s compare.  I didn’t get perfect grades, nor do I have some incredible IQ.  I didn’t participate in Teen Jeopardy (which was always easier than breathing).  He did, but what did I have that I got into Cornell and all my other schools regular decision?  I don’t know.  I wrote my essays and re-wrote them.  I had activities, and strong recommendations promoting my leadership skills.  I’m sure it helped that I was a minority with great grades, but let’s put that aside for a second.  I’m no genius, but I believe I earned that seat in the Class of 2006 for all those colleges.  From the looks of the show, he didn’t really do much, and did teen jeopardy to throw on his resume for colleges – this means he could do a lot more.  Think about it – why wasn’t he curing cancer like many other overacheiving teenagers?

I wasn’t weeping for this kid.  True Life you failed me.  Usually I feel something for the people being documented.  I felt for the Grand Master Chess Player because he seemed human.  I didn’t really pay attention to the kid with the Harvard thing – he was boring, but I felt alright for him because he had never danced with a girl – but he learned (hurrah).  This other guy… not really.  Don’t get me wrong – it’s a shame he didn’t get into Stanford, but you can’t whittle a stick and call yourself a master carpenter.  It’s nice to be a genius, I’m sure.  You just have to show me why it’s nice to be a genius.  I shouldn’t have a doubt in the world that it’s good. 

But hey, I’m just a loser Cornell Grad who watches MTV shows and bitches about them.

 JJRC

You know you want this crap

Ads are a horrendous waste of time and money – simply put.  People get shown random garbage, and the ad excites the senses.  For example, beer ads are the most notorious.  I drink beer.  I sit around an apartment with friends and drink beer.  Whenever I open a ice cold blue lined can – beautiful women don’t come in… the grinding never happens… and the taste isn’t really that spectacular.  It’s just me and my can in a room with other people  (hopefully – I don’t think I’ve become that much of an alcoholic… yet).

But, that’s just one side of the ads, then there are the ones the excite you for no good reason.  Similar to those monster truck rally commercials, these things just yell at you to the point where you must agree.  “SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!!! THE PUNISHER IS COMING TO WRECK THINGS IN OUR YARD!! BE THERE!!!!!!”  Somehow, I don’t really care to see the Punisher wreck shit in a random yard, but do I want to go?  YES!!! With the sound of his voice – this man has made me want to go to a monster truck rally.  I know it’s going to be terrible, but I want to go.  Maybe my brain has been made complete mush due to the lack of independent thought.

I’m almost positive if something is made to sound amazing and exciting – I would get it.  If the commercials for kitty litter went “KITTY LITTER!!! IT’LL MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER AND FRESH!!! BUY IT!! BUY IT!!! BUY IT!!”  My senses would be so overloaded – I would run out of my house screaming to buy kitty litter – though I don’t have a cat.  This would lead to the inevitable me pooping and scooping my own crap out of the litter.  I bought it, and I cannot let it go to waste.  After I finish my bag, I would happen to see that commercial again and go out to buy some more… a vicious cycle.  What happened to the days of word of mouth?

Companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars to advertise garbage.  Meanwhile, there are value price crap selling just as well – something got to give.  I have to be honest – you need to have an exciting commercial for monster trucks because they’re kinda lame (unless you into intervehicular rape).  But, why do I need to be hounded by mindless dribble about kitty litter, tampons, sodas and beer?  Tis is the problem with American consumerism.  To the masses, the television never stops being wrong.  If a newscaster went on TV and announced that the moon was made of cheese and was melting, people would believe it.  No research would be done and everyone would freak (even though the moon totally sucks as a celestial body).   Put more faith in concrete findings – don’t just buy garbage because you should.  The pricey lotion has the same ingredients as the Rite Aid Brand.  It’s not that hard to put Aloe extracts into a gooey paste.

It’s a real shame, but on a lighter note – I ran out of litter and have not seen that commercial since.

 JJRC