Monday afternoon I got an email from my friend, and she said that she had free tickets to a scary movie called The Last Winter. I don’t really enjoy movies, but I hadn’t seen one in a long time. Also, this movie was free and random. So, I opted to go. The following may ruin the movie for you – so please – if you plan on watching this crap – the buck should stop here.
The Last Winter is set in Alaska. the final frontier. There is a company seeking to drill in the Alaskan wilderness. They are finally tapping into the oil reserves locked under the pristine nature of the tundra. The cast is stereotypical. There’s the pretty woman, the two native Americans (male and female), the hippies opposed to the mission, the crazy drunk, the young buck who you know won’t make through to the end credits and the alpha male. This guy is a metaphor for George W. Bush if I’ve EVER seen one – we’ll call him George because I’ve already forgotten his name.
The movie begins with George landing in Alaska. He meets the hippies and makes it obvious he hates them. The parallels with Bush begins here. The hippie tells him – “The American People want security and safety for the environment (Iraq).” George responds. “No, what the American People want is Oil Independence (Oil from Iraq).” They then play snow football where young buck hits a hippie in the face by accident causing him to bleed from his nose - it never heals and this hippie ultimately bleeds to death once everyone is going ape-shit nuts. Young Buck then sees a herd of ghost animals run by…. ooooooOOOoooo things are getting weird. At some point Young Buck disappears and returns all fucked up. We don’t know why – nor do we ever know why. Young Buck then walks out naked and the animal spirit out there eats him alive.
Why was he naked? Beats me. I’m sure they paid him tons more to be running around in the buff. It was indeed gratuitous male nudity. The next day they find nose-bleed dead from a nose bleed. “Umm, we should probably call for a plane and completely leave the site and never return. It doesn’t want us here (the people of Iraq are tired of our presence).” George responds, “No, we’re leaving our stuff here and then finishing the job. The American people are depending on us (right…?).”As the plane descends as a quick exit strategy (I don’t really know the analogy for that one) – It crashes and blows up ruining their living quarters and a couple of the crew members. They have to split up. hippie says, “we should go to the town 18 miles south.” George replies, “no, we’re doing this my way – we’re going to the road builders 25 miles SE.” hippie answers, “But, the town’s closer and they have a plane.” George says, “no, we’re doing this my way.”
To make a long story short Pretty woman and her two native American friends stay behind and hippie and George wander off. Indian man gets killed by the animal ghost things but it leaves his shoes behind for some reason (not explained). Indian woman begins to kill crash survivors for some reason and laughs maniacally, and Pretty woman then kills her by accident (she’s not really dead because they pan back to the spot where Indian woman had been left dead – and she was gone – inexplicably.) Both Hippie and George get lost… George continuously puts the pair in danger ultimately killing them both.
Pretty woman makes it out alive and is taken to the hospital – at this point weather patterns are so bad that the world has turned to shit – and what was the cause of this? We are lead to believe that due to the fact that oil is basically decomposed animals – Mother Earth was summoning them to ruin Mankind’s shit. Sadly – it looks like we lose that war… ultimately – I didn’t think the movie was well resolved, but the director was in the theater – so we clapped when the movie ended and darted out of there. The only consolation? Energy drink girls awaited in the lobby – wearing tank-tops and handing out red bull (or something) – what more does a man need?
JJRC
The Last Winter
20 09 2007Monday afternoon I got an email from my friend, and she said that she had free tickets to a scary movie called The Last Winter. I don’t really enjoy movies, but I hadn’t seen one in a long time. Also, this movie was free and random. So, I opted to go. The following may ruin the movie for you – so please – if you plan on watching this crap – the buck should stop here.
The Last Winter is set in Alaska. the final frontier. There is a company seeking to drill in the Alaskan wilderness. They are finally tapping into the oil reserves locked under the pristine nature of the tundra. The cast is stereotypical. There’s the pretty woman, the two native Americans (male and female), the hippies opposed to the mission, the crazy drunk, the young buck who you know won’t make through to the end credits and the alpha male. This guy is a metaphor for George W. Bush if I’ve EVER seen one – we’ll call him George because I’ve already forgotten his name.
The movie begins with George landing in Alaska. He meets the hippies and makes it obvious he hates them. The parallels with Bush begins here. The hippie tells him – “The American People want security and safety for the environment (Iraq).” George responds. “No, what the American People want is Oil Independence (Oil from Iraq).” They then play snow football where young buck hits a hippie in the face by accident causing him to bleed from his nose - it never heals and this hippie ultimately bleeds to death once everyone is going ape-shit nuts. Young Buck then sees a herd of ghost animals run by…. ooooooOOOoooo things are getting weird. At some point Young Buck disappears and returns all fucked up. We don’t know why – nor do we ever know why. Young Buck then walks out naked and the animal spirit out there eats him alive.
Why was he naked? Beats me. I’m sure they paid him tons more to be running around in the buff. It was indeed gratuitous male nudity. The next day they find nose-bleed dead from a nose bleed. “Umm, we should probably call for a plane and completely leave the site and never return. It doesn’t want us here (the people of Iraq are tired of our presence).” George responds, “No, we’re leaving our stuff here and then finishing the job. The American people are depending on us (right…?).”As the plane descends as a quick exit strategy (I don’t really know the analogy for that one) – It crashes and blows up ruining their living quarters and a couple of the crew members. They have to split up. hippie says, “we should go to the town 18 miles south.” George replies, “no, we’re doing this my way – we’re going to the road builders 25 miles SE.” hippie answers, “But, the town’s closer and they have a plane.” George says, “no, we’re doing this my way.”
To make a long story short Pretty woman and her two native American friends stay behind and hippie and George wander off. Indian man gets killed by the animal ghost things but it leaves his shoes behind for some reason (not explained). Indian woman begins to kill crash survivors for some reason and laughs maniacally, and Pretty woman then kills her by accident (she’s not really dead because they pan back to the spot where Indian woman had been left dead – and she was gone – inexplicably.) Both Hippie and George get lost… George continuously puts the pair in danger ultimately killing them both.
Pretty woman makes it out alive and is taken to the hospital – at this point weather patterns are so bad that the world has turned to shit – and what was the cause of this? We are lead to believe that due to the fact that oil is basically decomposed animals – Mother Earth was summoning them to ruin Mankind’s shit. Sadly – it looks like we lose that war… ultimately – I didn’t think the movie was well resolved, but the director was in the theater – so we clapped when the movie ended and darted out of there. The only consolation? Energy drink girls awaited in the lobby – wearing tank-tops and handing out red bull (or something) – what more does a man need?
JJRC