And I swear

I swear too much.  If my mother could hear me on a daily basis – she’d probably have to slap me more times than I could count.  Every other word is a swear.  Oddly enough, I haven’t really gotten into that habit when I write.  It’s a good thing.  I’m sure having the word “fuck” or “shit” show up on an academic paper would probably be a suicide of sorts.  I recall one instance where I saved a paper “This piece of Shit for Falk” and didn’t think anything of it.  I went to the library to print it out and handed it in.  Apparently when you print at the library – the name of the document is saved at the top…. Needless to say – the name of the paper was indeed accurate and I received the grade a piece of shit would get from Falk.

But somehow, it has become a way of life for me.  Everyone around me does it (even my family – they swear in Spanish).  At my previous job, everyone swore about everything.  In crisis mode, everything became shits and fucks.  Currently at my new job, you get the flare ups of activity where swear words just go with the theme of the day.  Driver’s licenses are not being given to immigrants (fuck!!!).

How is it that these words exist in our society? In a society where commercials are turning into soft core porn, you would think we would have less sensitivity to words.  Why is turd so much better than shit anyway?  And how come the word “fuck”is so versatile, but it goes unused by so many people.  Looking at the statement “that was great.”  You learn something was great.  Now, look at “That was fucking great!”  You even get an exclamation point in there.  Whatever “that” is, it was great^2. It wasn’t just great – it was undesirably great – it was fucking great. The fuck is like x in math.  What is x?  You have to figure it out.   It exists… but we don’t quite know what it is.  It’s the fill in for a thing we don’t know.  “X” is the fuck of the math world.  

Back to my point – I think we should loosen up.  They are just words.  If I started a trend that Guntas was a dirty word meaning a woman’s vagina – how long would it take for it to be banned on television? 

How the fuck would anyone know?

 JJRC

The Feminine Mystique

Women are odd.  They have a different way of handling things than men do.  They trust each other, and they herd to the bathroom.  They trust each other’s conclusions as if they were their own sound thought… I wish I could see what it’s like to understand these inner workings.  The get why three girls need to go to the bathroom together. Does this increase bathroom performance?  If a friend of mine followed me to the bathroom, I would be a little turned off to the idea of actually using it.  Men do not have that type of bond.  I can’t pee in front of my friends – and only recently have I been able to urinate freely in a friend’s bathroom despite the echo.

Here are a couple of things that distinctly puzzle me:

1 – Menstruation:

I won’t go there – but I do like this video on the topic – Enjoy:

2 – Maintenance:

I have a sister, and periodically I have to wait for her to get dressed.  At times I have to wait for both my mother and my sister to get dressed.  Sometimes, they’re both dressed, and I still find myself by the door, tapping my foot, watching the clock as my day just fritters away.  Usually my morning routine consists of waking up, showering, maybe ironing my clothing, throwing random shit in my hair, and I’m running out the door.  Total time 15 minutes.  20 minutes if I decide I want to scarf down some cereal.  35 minutes if the computer is on and the NYTimes has something good to read (mother gives birth to nanoplets – what?!). 

Meanwhile my mother gets up at 7am and sits on her bed with a blow dryer.  She then has to prepare herself for her journey to work.  She doesn’t even eat – but she does prepare two sandwiches and grabs a yogurt.  My sister gets up after I do and is usually ready in the same amount of time as I  am, but that’s only because she does her blow-drying ritual at night.  From 9pm-10pm is watching sappy dramas and hair care. 

A note to you ladies out there.  No one notices when you’ve worked on your hair for hours…. except maybe other girls.  The other day I was at my cubicle and  this girl kept walking by and everyone talked to her.  Then the office manager comes over and says, “OMG, Sandra – you got a haircut.  You look so cute!”  Me and my neighbors got up and looked at each other.  We then proceeded to look at Sandra’s hair – which was basically the same length it was previous.  I don’t really know how the office manager saw the difference. 

3 – Feminism:

The other day, I was out with this girl and we were hanging at a lounge somewhere.  She was a hard core feminist, but during our time there, she puzzled me by demanding I get her a drink.  Her demand through me off so much – I refused.  I was close to offering, but she beat me to the punch.  This is how the conversation went.

Girl: Hey, I think the bar is opened.   You should go over there and buy me a drink.  I think you’re a gentleman.

Me: Huh?  I don’t think it’s opened… gentleman?  I th0ught you were all about women’s rights and stuff.

Girl: Yea, but I like to be spoiled.

Me: You’re out of luck – me too.

Girl: Pig.

It wasn’t as heavy as it sounds, and ultimately I did get up and get her and myself a drink.  The price was about $20 - only in NYC.  The one thing I got out of this is, you can’t have it both ways.  You can’t be independent and then enjoy being spoiled…. defeats the purpose.  

In Conclusion:

Menstruation is not awesome….

Women need lots of time to look normal….

Feminism is a paradox…

Right?

JJRC

Facebook: Then and Now

I remember when I was a sophomore in college.  I was pledging a fraternity and living in a two bedroom apartment with 3 other people.  Graduation was a far off dream, and my life was full of free time.  What was I to do with all this free time?  A solution comes onto the horizon.  My friend Chrissy was talking to me in her dorm room on West Campus, and she mentions that Tina has a Facebook account.  What was this Facebook?

Turns out Facebook was a different kind of Friendster… yes, I mentioned Friendster – I had a grand total of 4 friends on Friendster.  I copied the Friendster profile.  I  went out on a limb and added a picture – things about me and then all my friends.  Back then, Facebook.com was on an elitist track.  Created by some dork at Harvard with too much time on his hands, he single-handedly robbed me and millions of other innocent college students of months worth of time.  Who knew information thrown onto the vast Internet could be so powerful?  I remember having only 14 friends, and I enjoyed seeing the intricate web it would create on the stupid webbing link.  It was interesting to find out who knew who.  Then, it slowly began to catch on.  Everyone was running to their computers to start accounts. 

As the Cornell Network grew, so did the Facebook family of colleges.  It was then that Bumblefuck Online College was accredited enough to grace its students with facebook accounts.  It spread to high schools – followed by companies and now the world (though I think this is not a threat to anyone since this isn’t Myspace).  With the addition of the newsfeed, I know exactly what I should look at – who’s profile I should read.

I find myself posting embarrassing pictures of myself and others.  I look at them periodically and remember those times.  I try and avoid the applications – though I am currently both a vampire and a zombie (zompire, if you will).  How did something like this become so popular?  How can it be that I allow almost anyone to just look at my provided information – I’m surprised I even got a job with half the crap I’ve thrown on there (from tasteless quotes to a picture of me drunk with a power strip positioned as a penis). 

Where can Facebook go from here?  It can most likely only decline – right?  I hope so, I don’t think I could stomach anymore information about my friends and their interests without de-learning other important information like my address and social security number.   I remember the days when I would have to ask how everything was going – and what people were up to.  Those days have been gone for four years now.  Will I ever see them again?  Maybe if the newsfeed breaks down.

JJRC

The Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria

More than 400 years ago, Columbus was floating around in a massive ship praying that he hit land soon.  Sweating bullets, he was aware of the mutiny afoot on his ship.  He would keep two sets of logs.  One was an optimistic lie to soothe the fears of the crew.  Te second was a diary of the truth.  He feared running out of food and materials.  The cabins were full of angry and strong men who wanted to rip that pretty little bob right off his head. 

Columbus: “Hi everyone, umm… we’re nearing land soon and I wanted to offer cash to anyone who sees the Indies first!  Seriously, everyone start looking for land, and I’ll give you a prize.”

Crew: “umm… ok?”

Columbus offered his men money to seek the land he assumed would be India/China and coming up soon.  He was nearing desperation.  Then one morning – a cabin member came in.

Cabin Boy: “Hey Christopher – I saw some land this morning – we’re heading for it.”

Columbus: “Really?!  That’s super.”

Cabin Boy: “Yea…. umm so I win the money – right?”

Columbus: “Oh about that, funny thing is that I saw the land this morning… I was going to announce it later – but I guess I should have announced it immediately.  So, I’ll keep the money.”

Cabin Boy: “Ohhh… you douchebag“

Columbus: “What?”

Cabin Boy: “Ohm I was just clearing my throat. Ok I’m leaving.”

Oddly enough, they hit land – unscathed and without any rebellion on board.  The priests gets to the stern of the ship – tells the indigenous people they are now belongings of the Spanish Monarchy – and thanks them for their understanding and patience.  From this point on Columbus was pretty much bat-shit crazy.  His letter to the Monarchs of Spain involved a detailed description of the islands and the people.  The final page involves the fact that he’s found an island full of bald people… one full of Amazons… another loaded with Cannibals and then there’s one where people have tons of gold.  Somehow the natives told him all of this – without knowing a word of Spanish (amazing!).  Also, he wrote about being the new Marco Polo and that his finding a way to Asia will lead to a new crusade and the capturing of Jerusalem once again.

Seriously.

So, on that note, I am excited for this Columbus Day – because I have been enlightened.  Gone are the days when I colored ships and pretended the first meeting was an amazing event.  This one meeting set off a chain of events that moved people into a new era.  The way of life for the natives was deemed unacceptable.  The Spanish infused their world with Catholicism and Western Beliefs.  Today, we long to know the ways the natives constructed their cities and preformed their rites.  Columbus was lucky he didn’t get eaten by his crew.  He was lucky – like Hernan Cortez was lucky.  He was lucky – like Fransisco Pizarro was lucky.  His amount of luck equated to the amount of bad luck the natives had since that day in 1492.

 JJRC