Sometimes I hate People

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t hate Americans.  America is the land that brought rise to a great wealth of opportunity (for most, but not all).  It is where my parents met.  It is where I grew up and went to school.  I am an American, but sometimes, don’t you just hate other people in America?  

Here is a short list of the things that are still floating around that piss me off.  A friend of mine once said that I was more likely to hate something than love it.   It’s me in a nutshell I suppose, but I enjoy things, and regularly someones runs over and ruins it for me.  Here are some examples:

1 – Borat:

This movie was hysterical.   I haven’t laughed harder at a movie since.  The theater was alive with participation the night we went to see it.  People climbed in and watched.  They then began to yell, and it all came to a nice quiet end and we left raving about the movie. 

Now, let’s flash forward 12 months later.  It is now 2007.  Why do I still hear the word “vagine” and other tired catchphrases?  People, please let it go.  There’s only so many times you can say, “Very nice – how much?” before it stops being remotely funny.  If you are still saying these things – you have most likely exceeded your “Very nice- how much?” limit.

2 – People on Reality Television:

At its conception, the Real World was an interesting show.  What do young people care about?  I mean, you basically watched people live their lives, and you realized they were boring – almost as boring as you.  But, then you realize you’re watching them be boring – how does that reflect on you?

Now, the Real World has not only spawned hundreds of other reality shows, but the Real World has reduced itself to a mindless fuck-fest.  The people are no longer average Joe’s, but ultra glamorized men and women who drink excessively and hook-up.  When I was in college, our lives didn’t resemble a massive shit-show that ended in someone getting kicked out of school.  Somehow, I think the Real World has lost touch with reality and should consider renaming itself the Shit-Show (Enter City name Here). 

While we’re at it – the city stopped mattering years ago.  They could be in the depths of hell, and honestly, it will most likely remain the same show.  As long as there’s a hot tub available, nothing will change.

3 “Back door!/Can you move into the center of the car, please?!”

Are these things a New York thing?  I hope posting them here doesn’t start a mass epidemic around the globe.  I doubt I’m that important, but you never know with this Internet stuff.  Back Door and it’s evil, uglier sister, Can you move…, are probably the worst phrases uttered in New York.  Let’s begin with “Back Door.”  If you’ve ever ridden the bus, you will notice these people that refuse to push the tape to open the doors.  Instead, these a-holes push on the window and scream as if they’re being assaulted by the doors.  “BACK DOOR!”  Then you have the peanut gallery chime in – “She wants that back door!”  Meanwhile – more level-headed people are sitting there thinking – “Push the fucking tape, bitch.”

“Can you move in please” is much worse.  In this case – you are stuffed between someone getting on and a larger hairier man.  The jerk is insisting he fits.  “There’s space in the center there.  Move in, please!”  Of course, I’ll move in when I learn to walk through people.  Honestly, give up.  Wait for the next train.  If it is obvious you won’t be making the train – get out and let us luckier people go ahead and be on time for work.  No, Dickhead insists on climbing in – smacking everyone with his brief case.  He becomes the most hated person in the general area.

Wonder what will be the next thing to randomly pop up and start pissing me off.  Maybe, I’ll  catch myself saying “BACK DOOR!!!” and will be filled with self-loathing.  Only time will tell.

JJRC

Moral Bankruptcy

This past Saturday, I sat around at home for most of the morning. In the afternoon I got a haircut.  I called my buddy from high school that I haven’t seen in a good long time.  He’s moving to the Bronx.  It was all well and good.  My other friend calls me and asks me if I’m going to so and so’s for dinner.  I wasn’t really planning on it, but I with some persuasion, I decide I will attend.
 
We had a quiet dinner.  Turkey loaf with veggie sides, salad and a glass or two of wine were being served.  After dinner we talk about random crap. What movie should we watch?  “Oh wait! let’s get ice cream.”  We got ice cream.  It was probably the last of my happy memories.
 
Upon return to the apartment, we discuss some more random things before choosing a movie. “Hey has anyone heard about that video that is considered unmentionable and disgusting?”  Umm, no – we had not.  “Well let’s watch some reaction videos on youtube.”  I guess we can…. “I’m so interested, but the video isn’t on youtube.” It’s not on youtube, that can’t be a good thing….  “Let’s google it.”  Ok…. “Two girls and one cup… I wonder…” 
 
We clicked on link and up came a site.  At first it looked like your run of the mill porn.  Some girl on unattractive girl action, but then BAM!!!!  It becomes vile.  I’ve never seen dogs do that – and dogs do some gross things.  The actions in this video are unspeakable.  If I could erase my brain, I would.
 
Check out this reaction.  I would make fun of the guy who runs off into the hallway gagging, but I can relate to him (I didn’t gag or anything – I was covering my eyes though).
 

 
 
I bet you’re curious now.  Well, here’s the link (www.2girls1cup.com)- but you will regret it.  Trust me.

 JJRC
 

Leave Britney Alone!!!

Britney Spears is the talk of the town these days.  The woman can’t go outside without being photographed.  The five second rule hasn’t applied to her for years – if she ever dropped food – someone would photograph her picking it up and eating it.  Anyone could easily claim it was on the floor for 6 seconds – making it disgusting.  My thought is if the woman wants to go barefoot into public restrooms – let her.  It’s not like the plantar’s warts she gets is your problem.  Only if their image makes them onto your TV.  It’s liable to happen TMZ is on TV these days – so watch out.

I was talking to a friend on Saturday night, and we discussed parasitic relationships (that is a different post). It applies here. This relationship the paparazzi has with her benefits both of them. She’s much like that fish thing that hangs out on sharks – or is it vice versa? The paparazzi love Britney Spears. Britney Spears loves them right back. It’s a match made in heaven. She would probably never leave her house if people weren’t watching her every move, and her Starbuck’s skim mochachino iced venti latte would probably taste like a Dunkin Donut’s Coolatta if people weren’t gawking at her and watching carefully. If she wanted to not be photographed – she would just act normal for Christ’s sake. Even Michael Jackson doesn’t photographed this much – and he’s actually weird… freakishly weird. Britney Spears is not weird – she just lacks some sense. People without sense run around smacking people with umbrellas… and if Britney Spears were weird – she would have been wearing some ridiculous outfit (perhaps a onesie). She’s just letting her fame get the best of her. Sadly, dealing with fame is not a course they teach in school – if they did she would fail… while Michael Jackson would be borderline with a D.

Ultimately – it’s all your fault we care about Britney Spears.  She’s everywhere because we want her to be.  If not – she’d fall into obscurity like… those people who I can’t recall because they’re so obscure.  God knows her music isn’t all that great.  Her voice isn’t terribly memorable.  She’s not the prettiest woman on earth.  In essence – she’s a good performer, but she’s seemed to have lost her touch.  Does knowing that she spends $700,000 a month on random garbage end wars or cure diseases?  No, it doesn’t.  It’s time to reassess our situation.  So please, leave Britney alone.  Let’s get real.

JJRC