Let’s go Outback… some other time…

One Day, I’m going to be discovered writing these at my desk, but I am quite bored and I fell I should present to you this gold nugget before it gets lost somewhere in my brain along with my childhood aspirations and dreams.

As I sat down with a couple of friends at Outback Steakhouse, I began to wonder what I would have on the menu. The waiter placed the menus before us, and we looked at the succulent steak on the cover.  The smokes rising so gently.  You could almost smell the meat and taste it’s delicious tenderness. I thought all that in a split second.  As my mouth began to water, we popped open our menus. 

It listed your typical menu items.  That fried onion thing… the steaks… the caloric intake.  I wasn’t so much bothered by the calorie count.  I see random crap with super high calorie counts all the time – what bothered me with the lack of low-calorie options.  Not even the salads were all that good for you.  Honestly, few things on that menu had less than 900 calories.  The awesome blossom alone had 1,600+ with 3 servings.  Does that mean it is a grand total of 4800 Calories?!?!

We ordered appetizers only – 2 sets of crab cakes, aussie fries, and buffalo chicken things.  All delicious.  Once we were done – we slowly waddled out of the restaurant.  As we struggled to leave, I realized the following:

1 – Why didn’t Outback have a healthy menu – with healthy options?  McD’s, BK and Dunkin Donuts all squeezed out culinary “masterpieces” known as the health menu.  What is Outback waiting for?  They appear to be waiting for a customer to drop dead mid-spare-ribs to take action.  I don’t know how dedicated their base is, but they’re more dedicated than me.

2 – There are more than 15 Outbacks in New York City?! Where the hell are they?  I was only aware of one – on 23rd b/w 5th and 6th… Do they not want you to know there are others?  Good Lord.  Unless they’re in Queens or in that grey area of the map that people assume are not NYC but really are – like Flushing.  Perhaps I should ask Google to help me on this one.

3 – I knew the fried onion thing was terrible for you – but really knowning how bad it is for you is a total turn off.  Of course something that’s breaded and deep fried by a national chain is NOT going to be healthy, but you can claim ignorance and be shocked when someone tries to educate you.  You can also pretend you forgot you knew that when you ordered it… You can’t claim ignorance when that number (resembling a zip code) is hanging out next to your order.

4 – How many calories does that free bread have?  If it’s not a menu item – are they forced to tell you regardless?  Inquiring minds want to know.

End point – I will most likely not return to Outback… until they start advertising their healthy menu – then I’ll be ok with eating the onion thing – with my hearty salad.

JJRC

The Working Man

That email came through the dreaded pipeline.  It was from him.  It had those dreadful words that aggravate me to no end.  He had made that request that no one should make.  “Can you forward this to the rest of the staff?”  My fingers lingered over the letters “N” and “O”. I had to be strong to pull them away.  The urge to say no is not because I am lazy.  I am writing this blog at work, after all.  It is because with the time it took that man to add that request, he could very well have added the office distribution list to the CC line or even BBC if he wanted to be cryptic.  It got me thinking – what else about an office pisses me off?
 
Water Cooler:
 
Ah, the water cooler.  How many people does it take to replace that jug?  As many people as it takes to empty it to the last drop and walk off – just one. Oddly enough, the number of people that walk away from the cooler without changing the jug can be infinite.  I understand the lack of strength, but c’mon people!  People usually wait until I decide to get water and run up to me when they see me go for it.  Waiting for me to replace the jug.  One of these days, I’ll feign are heart attack and “pass out” while replacing the water.  That’ll show them
 
Forwards:
 
This goes hand and hand with what happened above.  That person that forwards you some responsibility and cc’s you. There’s usually a line like this at the bottom, “JJRC, can you handle this mundane task I think I’m too good for? Also, copy the bible 30 times, collate it and run it to kinko’s and get it bound – just for fun.  You’re the best.”  That last sentence is there so that they can say, “But I asked nicely – didn’t you see the last sentence?”  In a perfect world, it would prompt a sarcastic no.  In this world, it gets a nod and a smile.
 
Phones:
 
Sure, the phone is a great addition to any office.  It makes face to face communication less necessary, but of course – there’s the abuse of the phone.  Do you really need to call your kids at 12:30pm to ask them what they had for lunch?  Is it necessary to call your uncle to ask him if he wants cheese with his pasta at dinner time?  Can you wait to yell at your spouse until after 2:30pm?  The answers are yes, yes and no.  People carry on personal conversation – at high volumes all day.  This makes it especially aggrevating when you’ve recieved a forward from the same person who can’t forward or can’t photocopy their own bibles.
 
But, in retrospect, can I really complain when I spent 30 minutes writing this in an outlook window so that it looked like I was doing work?  I suppose not.
 
JJRC

People that have been bugging me

Will Farrell/Jim Carey/Adam Sandler: Yes, I think Will Farrell is annoying… I’m pretty much the only person I know that is regularly irritated by him.  It’s more along the lines of how I got annoyed by Jim Carey and Adam Sandler.  One movie you’re a spastic cable guy/over grown man child…. next movie you’re a spastic pet detective/over grown man child who inherits millions.  Wow, how versitale.  Then you go and throw curveballs like the Turman Show/Spanglish/That movie where the woman writes out Will Farrell’s character’s life…. a little too late? Not for Jim Carey.  But Adam Sandler/Will Farrell didn’t really go anywhere with that one. I can forgive Blades of Glory – because it was pretty funny.  I can forget Taladega Nights… I can’t forget Semi-Pro or this new one.  They just looked bad.  Is he under some horrible contract that mandates he act like this on screen?  C’mon!  Props for the online short – the Landlord – comedic gold.
 
The More Flags, More Fun Guy:  Who decided that Six Flags needed to get another annoying advertising campaign?  I’m barely over the horrifying “old” dancing man.  Also, is there a reason he has an incredibly heavy accent and acts in a manner stereotypical of Asians?  I can’t find one – but someone should get fired over it.
 
Greenpeace People:  “Have a moment for Green Peace?!” “Do you see me stopping?”  They always ask you those loaded questions – do you care about the environment, sir?  Do you know that there are xyz’s being killed every day?  This cannot be the most effective way to reach people.  Once, I was walking down the street and this pretty girl asked me if I had a moment.  I said no, and she was persistent – so I stopped.  She had pretty blue eyes and golden hair.  She was very nice – and we chatted up a storm.  It was more flirting than discussing the end of the world due to clubbing baby seals.  After and hour of chitchat – I gave her some candy and a small donation – but then I get bombarded with excessive emails about how I need to save the earth.  I still get them – that unsubscribe button is crap!  When will it end?!    Also, if I’m walking on the street – the chances of me having an ultimate destination are pretty high. This kind of tactic seems more suitable for a college campus where people are aimless after classes. 
 
Why would you stand outside of my job and do it at 12 noon – that’s lunch time, bitch! Stop wasting my precious lunch time.  No I don’t have a minute for the environment – I have a minute for lunch!
 
Crowds: It’s never a good idea to put people who are thinking the exact same thing in a large group together… that’s how embassies and concerts get ruined.  Why would you want to sit in an overcrowded lawn and watch a movie with 20,000 other people?  It just doesn’t make sense – that’s like putting a ton of bulls in a pen loosely held together by rope.  All we need is one idiot to scream “IT’S A BOMB!” – and the other 19,999 idiots begin a stampede over nothing in every direction.  The people trying to quell the confused masses aren’t any better and usually incite more chaos. 
 
For example – two years ago – I attended the Peruvian Day Parade in Paterson, NJ.  When the parade ended – there was a small scuffle involving a few people 40 feet away… the police decides this is a great time to unleash gas bombs into the crowd.  Of course the rest of us that were just calmly walking out of the parade were forced into a panic and barricades were knocked down and people ran into the street screaming and throwing up.
 
Your Mom:  God, she’s so whiney when she climbs out of bed.  That’s why I leave before she gets up and place the money on the dresser. 

Who doesn’t like a good “Your Mom” Joke every now and then?
 
JJRC