Reality Television – A different kind of Fantasy

I had Monday off to celebrate all the wonderful white men that were president before Barack Obama, and I decided to watch some wholesome American Television.  Since I don’t have a television, I had to watch television with my sister.  Her room, her television. I don’t really get a say.
 
So, we watched the Bachelor and True Beauty.  Shoot me.  Here are some of my observations:
 
The Bachelor:
 
- Each girl told him she was in love with him.  Oddly enough, he never told any of them the same thing. I wonder what kind of sadistic show would have a man romance weak-minded women into falling in love with him and then crushing one at the end of each episode. 
 
- They all had keys to the “Fantasy Suite”.  Each time they would end up in a bed, and then bam, it’s the following day.  Did he really spend an entire week just boiking these girls?  What kind of low-brow show is this?! 
 
- He cries quite frequently.  He spent most of the last 20 minutes misty-eyed and then he lost is when the one girl left.  He kept trying to convince her that he made the right choice.  She would offer a rebuttal and spent most of the time yakking on about how they would be perfect together… yikes…
 
- One of the girls’ family did not want to be on the show – and she didn’t understand why.  Really?  Your parents don’t want to be put on television so that I can criticize them like I’m criticizing their daughter?  Well, they’re obviously horrible parents who don’t wish her well… or they’re normal people who don’t want to forced to perform for the American viewing public. I don’t quite understand what she doesn’t undestand.  She was the most likable out of all the contestants too… probably because her parents are jumping at the chance to be on television.
 
The Bachelor was followed by a show called “True Beauty” where meat heads and bimbos vye to be considered America’s Most Beautiful Person. I don’t know how I feel about what television in the USA has become – but I can’t do anything about it – nor do I own a television… so I guess I’m cool with it.
 
JJRC

Things a baby can do but an adult can’t

1 – Ride in a Stroller

The adult equivalent of a stroller would be a wheelchair – and you’re not allowed to be in a wheelchair unless something is wrong.  I couldn’t think of myself as a respectable adult if I forced someone to cart me around in a wheelchair when I could very easily walk.  This doesn’t extend to children past the age of 4.  4 yr olds are old enough to walk and talk.  You can’t walk properly and be able to hold a basic level conversation and still be carted around… There’s a time for everything to come to an end.

2 – Drool

No respectable adult drools when talking, sitting or conscious.  If you’re awake and cognizant – you shouldn’t be drooling.  Even when you’re drunk is pushing the line – though that line is blurry due to the amount of alcohol you must have had to be drooling freely.

3 – Eat Puree

There’s on thing to eat canned food… there’s another thing to say about eating whole meals that have been minced and diced and mixed together.  Sure there is something to say about eating something saucy with rice and mixing that together – but its another thing to eat whole meals that have the consistency of apple sauce.

4 – Cry

It doesn’t matter if you’re a woman or a man, crying shouldn’t be allowed in many social public interactions.  Children will cry if they are denied candies.  As an adult, there’s no reason to cry.  Nothing’s as bad as it seems.  If you feel the need to cry, you should do so privately – with people who love you.  They’re the ones who will not pass judgment.  If I got a quarter for every time I saw a man or woman crying in public in the middle of the day rather shamelessly, I would have about $1,000.  I would really like $1,000.  That’s a lot of people.

5 – Throw Up

Sure, we all get queasy from time to time… it’s a shame when an adult has to throw up.  Much like riding a stroller, if an adult blows chunks – there’s  a reason for it.  But unlike a child, adults should try their very hardest to not throw up on themselves or in a very very public place.   I remember once I was coming home from school and I saw a cute little baby on the bus.  He looked at me, opened his mouth, and threw up formula everywhere.  Of course, that should never happen to an adult.  Imagine being at a work meeting, looking at your boss, opening your mouth, and throwing up a breakfast burrito everywhere… yikes.

6 – Put Random Crap in your Mouth

Can you borrow my pen?  Sure… Umm can you get it out of your mouth?  What do you mean you prefer to leave it out there?  You’re an asshole! I’m never going to let you borrow any of my shit again.

Yes my friends.  You should never insert anything that belongs to another person in your mouth.  Sure, it might look delicious.  Sure, it might be a good consistency.  Of course, it may be made for your mouth, but no.  Babies and random animals are allowed (to a certain extent) to attempt to eat your possessions.  On the other hand, my friends should probably keep their oral fixations away from my stuff.

What brought this list on you wonder?  Well, I was sitting at my desk and my co-worker wheeled in his child on a stroller.  The baby was sleeping in a fleece blanket/sac thing.  I wondered what it would be like to be him.  A child that is unaware of the horrible things in life.  A being that can crap himself at will and then expect to be changed.  I didn’t appreciate it back then… perhaps I’ll appreciate it when I’m old.

JJRC