Dear Irish Sir,
You may not remember me from nine months ago. I am JJRC. I was hanging out with the hot Hispanic chick (HHC) and her friend. The HHC was hooking up with your buddy while I and her friend spoke to you. I would like to apologize to you for the following things I did.
I did not mean to emasculate you by making fun of you “European” bag. I’m sure you’re well aware that men do not regularly wear purses in the States. It was very close minded of me to call you a “ninny.” If it’s any consolation, I was incredibly drunk.
I would also like to apologize for continuously bringing up your purse while we were sitting at the bar. With that being said, I regret telling you how a man should carry his things, in his pockets. I told you where I kept my wallet (right pocket), my keys and phone (left pocket), and my iPod Touch (inner coat pocket) while I drunkenly waddled around the bar.
It is through this display of American stupidity that you were able to steal my iPod Touch out of that very pocket. This was the iPod Touch I received from my parents as a Christmas gift five days earlier. I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I enjoyed it those five glorious days.
For that, I would like to thank you, Irish Sir. You taught me a valuable lesson. Never taunt a dickhead who is less drunk than yourself and who is too chickenshit to stand up for himself and his purse. He will most likely steal from you while you’re not paying attention regardless of his nationality.
JJRC
