Getting to the Airport – Part 2 of 3

Luckily for my father and my sister- the passport was not expired.  My father snatches it out of her hands tells her to be quiet and not speak about things she does not know.  This led to a fantastic atmosphere of silence in the van.  Of course the car was too small so we sat on, next to and under our luggage (oh happy days),

Upon arriving to the airport, we must appear like some sort of circus show.  We climb out, and along with us every single thing a person would need to live.  My father drags out a huge long box.

Sister: What the fuck is that?
Me: I have no idea… you ask him.  I don’t really care to find out.
Sister: Papa – Que’s eso?
Papa: Crutches for that poor kid on the block in Peru!
Sister: They aren’t letting you go in with that – what are you crazy?!
Papa: Shut up! Watch me!

Off he stormed to the luggage counter where he was pointed to that stupid wrapping station.  The gentlemen kindly told him – there was no way to wrap that and have it go as luggage – it was impossible.  My father comes back defeated – but my half sister was not having this… No, No – no one beats JFRB!

Papa – they took them….
Sister – See!
Half Sister – but how am I going to walk – I need my crutches!
Everyone – What?!

The counter lady comes over and asks us what the matter is, 

Half Sister: I need my crutches – if not I can’t walk.
Attendant: Oh how terrible!  Bring her the crutches.  (My sister turns around and smiles at her victory) AND A WHEEL CHAIR – This woman needs a wheelchair.

No sooner had the attendant said that – a large black man comes up to my half sister from behind and says “SIT.”  She does obediently – her victory has turned to embarrassment and shame.  The man places the crutches on the chair and pushes her to the far end of the corridor.
Sister: What about her check-in?
Attendant: She’s disabled – you guys can do it for her!
Sister and Me: umm… great….

From the sidelines my half sister watched me and my sister throw heavy luggage onto the massive scales.  She would smile and wave to us… we would think, “That bitch.”  My father joined her.  We thought, “That asshole.”  Ultimately we finished and were walking to the boarding area – where the 6am plane waited on the runway with us on it until 10am to depart.

Mumbai – What a place!

I departed from New York City on a pretty day in the middle of May.  Go figure they send me away when the weather is getting nice.  The sun was out, and the air was feeling cleaner than usual.  I landed in Mumbai in the following afternoon – technically it was Saturday Morning – NYC Time.  The airport there was much warmer than JFK – I preferred JFK to Mumbai’s international airport for not only that reason.  The lines were in disarray and people’s luggage was everywhere.  Those were only the first differences I noticed once getting off the plane.

The People:

The population of Mumbai is different from the New York and even the Peruvian population in several ways.  First is personal hygiene.  It’s not to say that hygiene is of the utmost importance everywhere in the world, but here it is lacking in every which way.  If the office were not air conditioned – I would probably have to leave the country.  Luckily the air conditioning keeps foul odors down to a minimum.  Also, the office planning has banished me to the farthest region of the office space.  I have no neighbors which is a blessing and a curse.

Also, the people in India have this very odd mannerism.  They bobble their heads from side to side. This simple gesture means absolutely nothing, but it is infuriating.  You could be speaking to anyone and their head starts to bobble.  Does this mean you’re ignoring me?  Do I bore you?  Are you in pain!?  Tell me what it means!!

I have no idea.   My computer stopped working, and I called IT.  This woman came by and looked at the computer for a hot minute – made two quick adjustments and then looked at me, smiled.  I smiled back and she proceeded bobbled her head.  Do you think you’re better than me, woman?!?! If she wasn’t a woman, and if we weren’t at work – I would have socked her in the face.

The Food:

The food is amazing!  Well spiced and delicious – unlike the bland garbage white people call “fine dining”.

The Transportation:

The cabs are the scariest things I’ve ever hopped on in my life.  I thought New York cabbies were crazy muthafukas.  No.  These muthafukas take the cake and blow it out of the water.  Though there is so much traffic that speeding is difficult, these gentlemen find a way.  They don’t speak English so, “Umm could you please slow down and not scare me like that.” does not work.  They weave in and out of traffic.  They tempt fate to kill them as they drive towards on-coming buses with you in the backseat. 

Thus, the bus driver that is hired by the company to get us home is by far the craziest SOB Mumbai has to offer.  He’s not well rested because he’s usually sleeping before someone taps on the glass to get him up.  This morning he was slumped over the wheel just waiting to go.  Once that tap came on the glass – he popped up like soldier and sped off into the night.  The men there with me were more than used to him sleeping.

Tonight he hit a moving cab and kept going.  Since I’m the last one to get off – he always eyes me and grunts when he sees I’m not leaving the bus.  He backs into traffic and peels out.  Periodically his bus stalls out in the middle of the road, but he’s a real man – so without stopping the bus completely – he revs the engine and makes it cry.  Meanwhile we’re coasting into a busy intersection.  Red light?  That’s something they put up to make you think you need to stop.  He just keeps going.  He gets me home every night – hopefully that keeps happening.  I don’t think my company, family and friends would be too pleased to find out I was killed on a business trip where I was outsourcing most of my responsibilities.

JJRC

Screaming Cleveland Rocks!

I dunno about Cleveland, but Columbus, Ohio is the only Ohio city I’ve ever been in.  This is currently my second time being in Columbus.  The first time I was in Columbus was four years and a month to the date.  It was December 2001.  The world was much different then.  I was 17 and a senior in high school looking at colleges.  My eyes were still wide with hope and promise.  Flash forward those 4 years and my eyes are droopy (and possibly crusty) with sleep.  I was looking at Kenyon College in Gambier, and I had no interest in going there.  I decided I needed to travel there though.  If a college is willing for fly you out anywhere you don’t say no.  It was great – I fell in love, but decided not to go because the Ivy League was calling my name.  I’m sure I made the right choice (and even if I didn’t I need to tell myself that).

Now, I’m a (psuedo-)coporate stiff and that light in my eyes is probably down to the glow of embers.  AH, to be young, stupid and naive!  I’m currently in the airport contemplating what I’ve learned here in Ohio.  I was told to make a laundry list of what I’ve learned while in Columbus.  Here it is;

1 – From my visit to Kenyon – I learned nothing but that Kenyon was WORLDS better than Oberlin (boo).  They had the gonads to send me a letter stating the following.  “Hey JJ.  You’re not white so fuck that old application we sent you and fill out this new application for ’students of color’ (insert picture of happy minorities with no white people around at some Oberlin cafeteria).  You won’t have to pay those pesky fees (because you can’t afford them) and we’ll give your application the attention it deserves (because otherwise the Hispanic tonality of your name would make your application ‘get lost’ in transit).  Hope to see you here next fall (because we need the color on our pasty white campus).”  I’m sure Kenyon had the same objective, but it was classier.

2 – People climb into cars head first sometimes.  This was news to me.  I climbed into the passenger seat of our “rental car, and my co-worker’s (the driver’s) head came barrelling towards me.  It startled me a little – so I assumed he fell or something, but then he did it continuously whenever we got into the car.  I figured ‘C’est la vie’

3 – People who Work at our Distribution Center are pretty cool – Amazingly enough – everyone from the Distribution Center was SUPER nice.  A sharp contrast from the bitter bitchiness exuding from everyone in our corporate offices.  If only those people had gotten the chance to get a degree and move to NYC to work with me – this company would be more fun and MUCH less pompous.

4 – The Airport is all interesting – I’ve been told about 12 times that the country’s damn terrorist safety color is now orange (it’s been orange for months).  I wonder if Orange will ever become the new yellow, since we as Americans should probably no longer let our guard down…. I think we need a change from the color orange – no one looks good in orange, not even America.

5 – Hotel Rooms are awesome – because they clean themselves and they offer free mints.  Though the Best Western in Columbus has a stuffed cat in its lobby – and I would have petted it because I thought it was real until I noticed it wasn’t blinking… and there was a stuffed kitten next to it with a bonette on it’s head (also, not moving or blinking).

So, that’s what I’ve been up to since the last time I’ve doodled anything.  So, if you ever get the chance, avoid Columbus for business trips, but definitely go for college visits!  There’s a man in a beret sitting in front of me – I need to go back to NYC where people don’t dress like freaks.

 JJRC